Playing a game of "uncle"

I was driving to go and pick up more pills at Walgreens last night and I had a kind of revelation about what it happening to me right now in my life. Remember that game growing up called “uncle”? I feel like I am playing that game with the devil right now. It’s like our hands are tied up and we are battling back and forth trying to see who will win. I had a realization that the only way that I am going to get him to say “uncle” is to get even closer to God the more I feel emotional or physical pain. I want people to watch me go through this and be an even greater testimony to God by having them see that even though physical things are happening to my body that I can still live for God and not get mad at him but fall more in love with him. I want the devil to see that the harder he pushes or tries to get me to say “uncle” the more people will be encouraged in their faith or want to know more about what I believe and how I can have a faith that goes past what I emotionally or physically feel. Basically, I want him to give up because by pushing me even harder, and me not giving up, it’s actually a greater testimony now than when God decides to heal me. I want him to realize that he will lose now by my testimony going through this and my testimony later of healing. Wow, what a double loser. I will not be the product of a lack of prayer. If this is where God has me right now it will not be because I didn’t spend enough time seeking God. The devil might as well say “uncle, aunt, niece and nephew” for all I care. He already lost before we started playing.