Holy Crap - Finding God's Presence in Your Pain

I am Now at Wordpress

2008-06-28T22:05:00.002-06:00

Hello everyone. I am now at www.7holycrap.wordpress.com I am going to try and post blogs about evry other day. Thanks and enjoy! (You can also Blog-roll me too!)

I have moved to myspace and given in to the dark side!!

2008-01-25T16:16:00.000-07:00

Greetings all,

I have officially moved this blog to a myspace site. I know, i have officially given in to the dark side by bowing and having a myspace site but I wanted to get my blog in a place where it would be seen the most and do the most good. So go to www.myspace.com/7holycrap and become my friend!! Thanks!

failures all quit

2008-01-24T22:59:00.000-07:00

People who are failures in life all have one thing in common; they all quit. Whatever you are going through in life, don’t quit. When you quit you took the first and most important step in failing at anything. When you don’t quit you put yourself in a position to see something extraordinary in your life. Think of this; if you tried something and were not successful, think of what caused you not to succeed. Usually when you fail at something you learn more than if you were successful and automatically good and usually you learn something that you may be able to help others with. Think about it.

bad news part III

2008-01-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is the last point that has to do with bad news. Bad news is always a test of your relationship with God. Our reaction when we are confronted with bad news is a litmus test that shows how much we trust that God is in control of our lives. I am not saying that we are not going to have an initial reaction to it, but that we have the option of dwelling on it or releasing it to God and trusting that our lives are in his hands. One thing about releasing things to God is that when we do, we identify that there is nothing in our power to change what is happening to us or a loved one besides pray a believe God for the best. I used to think that prayer was like a wish list from God when really it is not. It is an opportunity for us to communicate with God and not just a time to tell him what we think we want. Remember, bad news is seasonal so that means that there has to be an end to what is causing that bad news. I am saying that as a faith statement right now considering my physical condition with my eye. It needs to get better or I may be looking at some bad news in about two weeks from the eye doctor. Like I said, my life is in his hands and not my own.

bad news...holy Lord II

2008-01-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

Today is the second point about bad news. Usually, bad news means that you will still have to go through something in life. It’s not like you get the bad news and there is nothing connected to it. That said, it is important for you to remember what you go through so that you can help someone else who is possibly going through the same thing. I don’t think we really understand how important it is to “not forsake the gathering together” in the church. When we gather together (aka have church) its funny because we are usually in the mode of “what is the church going to do for me today?” I took time out of my busy schedule to bless you with my presence so pony up the Spiritual feel good stuff. Really, especially when we go through something that is connected to bad news, we should probably look to others in the church and how we can help give them just a little more hope to get through the day or through their situation. Tomorrow point three.

bad news....holy Lord

2008-01-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

When we get bad news, no matter what form it comes in, we have an opportunity to check our relationship with God (or a lack of). Bad news is inevitable no matter who you are and how long you are alive. The question is not IF you are going to get bad news but when. There are three things you need to know about bad news to help you to deal with it. First, Bad news has the ability to become something worse than it already is. Your mind is a great place for the devil to play “worst case scenario”. This is when you play out every negative scenario connected to the news that you received. Many times this is based on nothing but your worry and can take you to a place mentally that can affect more than just what you think but your actions as well. We need to take bad news just as that; bad news. That sounds funny, but when you can keep your perspective on the situation it makes it manageable. This also has to do with you submitting your mind to Christ everyday and not letting the devil use your mind for his playground. Tomorrow, I will talk about point two.

finding God's best for you

2008-01-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

How many times have you said that you are trying to find God's best for you? In your job, in relationships, etc. I think that many times we are trying so hard to find God's best that we forget to work on becoming God's best. I am a firm believer that God will never give you more than you are willing to take care of. That includes a car, a job, money, relationships, etc. When we focus on who we are becoming for God then he will take care of giving us his best and giving what he thinks we need and not what we think we need. One of the questions I am going to ask God when I get to heaven is why is there such a huge difference between his timing and mine? I know that he is waiting for me to learn what I need to learn each day, but sometimes it just gets hard to "wait on God's best" for me. In those times of waiting, I know that I need to work on becoming the best I can for God and he will do the rest. (but it still doesn't mean its not hard!)

It's not about the event of healing

2007-08-04T10:01:00.000-06:00

It should not be the event of healing that gives us a motivation to truly be who God wants us to be. If that were the case, we would need a “miraculous event” on a consistent basis to keep us motivated to serve him and become who he has created each of us to be. I have learned these past years that if I want to be the absolute best that I can be I need to find who I am in the middle of my storm instead of waiting for the storm to end and then committing to a healthy relationship with God. My wife and I have recently started a prayer schedule. We use Sunday nights to pray for others needs that we know of, Monday nights are for prayers for healing and Tuesday nights are for our finances. I used to think that I needed to pray for hours everyday if I wanted to see change in my life. I believe that we need to spend some amount of time everyday with Jesus but that it needs to be intentional time and not just convenient time. When we spend intentional time with Jesus we are saying to him, “I want more than just and event of healing in my life. I want to be different and learn from every experience that I go through in life”. When we take that attitude with Christ we open a door to a relationship that we will not be able to contain and it will spill out all over every one we come in contact with. Jesus knows what we need, how we need it and how much we can take. Never forget that.

doubt is an opinion

2007-06-02T08:48:00.000-06:00

If I am spending time trying to get to know Jesus better, I will not have time to doubt him. It’s the age old adage that "those who row the boat generally don’t have time to rock it". Either you are helping with the direction of the boat or you are being dead weight and making it hard to go anywhere. If you think about it, doubt is based on a personal opinion of someone or something. If I doubt someone I have already set in my mind how I feel about that person. I am telling myself that I don’t trust that person because of a set of mental rules. If I tell myself that I am still trying to get to know that person, I will maybe have questions about the relationship but I am open to learning more about them before I have an opinion about our relationship. With Jesus, I think he always wants us to be in a mode of seeking his face and not his hand. What that means is that I am not looking for what he can do for me, I am looking for who he is for the development of the relationship. Any relationship that is based on “what can you do for me” is doomed from the start. If I had that type of relationship with my wife it would only be a matter of time before she would feel used and probably leave. If you have friends around you that you treat that way it is the same thing. They will probably stop being your friend after a while and not want to be around you because of your attitude. With Jesus I think we treat our relationship with him differently and we shouldn’t. We need to consider the fact that he gave his life for us and we should want to do anything we can to give our lives to him. We cannot let the storms and crap of life determine the depth of our relationship with Jesus. We need to work on getting to know him better and in that process see doubt leave our minds and hearts. The crappy thing about it is that this is an everyday process. It’s not something that we can do infrequently or just when we feel like it. It is a daily discipline that will reap a great reward and change us into people who can touch a world that is hurt and needs hope.

expectation

2007-05-30T22:17:00.001-06:00

Have you ever thought about the word “expectation”? I am beginning to see the greater importance of this in communicating with God. I heard a message at church tonight about the amazing miracles that are being seen and experienced overseas and I compare that with what is going on in America and it is pretty sad. We don’t see the demonstrations of God’s power like they do overseas and it gets me in a mode of thinking about my own life and the healing that I want to see in my eye. If you have grown up in church like me, you have those church services where you can just sense something different and I believe that comes from expectation. Do I really expect God to heal me or am I content with my Rheumatologist thinking that my life is in his hands? Do I expect to be debt free and take the steps to see that happen and believe that God is blessing those actions? I think that expectation is dulled by all the comforts of America and really being spoiled into a sense of false security. It is the truest sense of the statement that good will always be the mortal enemy of the great. I am going to start asking God to show me how to have a heart of expectation with everything I pray for. Not even just my healing but in everything. Even that statement is hard for me to type right now with where I am financially and physically. I guess I just have to expect that I will see something different than I have seen for the past three years in my health, emotions and finances.

christianity needs fruit

2007-05-26T13:59:00.000-06:00

Watchman Nee Quote:

Show the world the fruits of Christianity and it will applaud; but show the world Christianity, and it will oppose it vigorously.

This was revelation to me today. I have always thought that people that didn’t know Christ would only need to by introduced to the concept of Christianity for it to be real to them and for them to make a decision to follow Christ. I think this comes from growing up in the church all my life and not really thinking about the introduction of Christ to others. I was always taught to be a good boy and that if I didn’t want to go to hell that I would follow Jesus and not question the directives of the church. Now that I am older I realize that if I don’t have fruit that is evident in my life that others can see then I need to re-evaluate my relationship with Jesus. Christianity without fruit is just another rule or regulation that the world is told it needs to “be right”. Christians are notorious for being ready to tell others “like it is” but not being able to listen to what a nonbeliever is going through in their life. If there is fruit that comes from following Christ it becomes attractive to people and gives them a desire to have the great things that a Christian has. If there is no fruit in a Christian’s life then a walk with Christ can become a great burden and really a waste of time. Why call yourself a follower of Christ and have nothing to show for it? Today, look for the fruit that comes from a living relationship with Christ. If you don’t, you will not only be leading others away from the best thing the will ever need, but you will frustrate yourself and dishonor God in the process by not doing what he asks.

your attitude in loss will determine your relationship with God

2007-05-12T09:14:00.000-06:00

Your attitude in loss will determine your relationship with God. Your relationship with God cannot be judged when everything is going well for you. Those times are not the true test of any relationship. When God allows something to be taken you have an instant test to judge your heart and to see how much you trust him. I know that there are people in my life that if they take something from me and I trust them I will not even question what they are doing. If I don’t feel like I know a person very well and they take something from me I get frustrated and angry. The same is with God. When we are spending time with him and get to know him we are learning to trust him and find out his heart for us. When that time of loss comes we have an opportunity to show our love for him by trusting that he has our best interests in mind and that he is not going to take anything from us to purposely hurt us or modify our lives in a way that is not for our good. What state is your relationship with God right now? Are you in a place of loss and need to submit to his will and trust that he is working everything out for your good? It may be your time to see a miracle but you have to trust him. That part of the relationship is up to you.

God's perfect timing

2007-04-20T17:38:00.000-06:00

Quote from Watchman Nee – "Those who know God have no need to protect their rights. Because they believe in Him, they learn to rely on Him for the outcome – knowing that whatever His will should be, it will be to their benefit in one way or another".

This is a great truth about relying on God. We live in a society that is motivated by a mindset that says “I have rights and don’t violate them”. The problem is that we may think we know what is best for our lives but only God is the one who knows us well enough to guide and direct us from where we are to where we need to be. I was making a list that I am going to put in my book about things that I thought were going to happen one way and they were for something else. Here is an example; my wife bought me some bags to hold my pills that I am taking from the store. They actually turned out to be too big for what I needed and they sat in the cupboard for over a year. I just started another natural drink that to see if it will help with my eye and needed to have bags to put the mix in that I put with water when I take it. I had the bags my wife brought and they ended up being the perfect size for what I needed. The first thing that came to my mind was that I had other intentions for those bags but they were not what I thought they would be used for. At the time we got them I thought, “What a waste of money”. But if we didn’t have those bags I would have had to try and find something to hold my drink mix in. I know that may sound a little corny, but I believe that there are seasons in our life with God that are just like that. We expect God to do one thing with us but if we step back and trust that His ways are higher than ours we will see that the our lives will be perfect if we can wait and learn to trust the timing of His will more than just the timing of our lives. When we think that God is not doing anything our things are “a waste” we need to understand that God has it all under control and He working everything out.

greatness after the mistake

2007-04-02T22:06:00.000-06:00

The greatness of a person is not seen in what they do when everything is going their way and is positive, but what they do after they make a mistake. Every one of us has the natural ability to do wrong things in our life and make mistakes of all kinds. When we make a mistake we have a distinct opportunity to show what we are made of in getting back up and asking for God’s help. The next time you make a mistake think about whether or not you are going to be great and make a positive decision to give all your crap to God or continue to let a trail of mistakes take you to a place that you never wanted to go. So now you can think of a mistake as an opportunity for you to show your greatness in what you decide to do after making a poor decision.

did you lock it?

2007-03-04T19:10:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting thought the other day when I was driving to work. I had one of those moments when I forgot if I locked my door at my house when I left. It was one of those things where you always lock the door before you leave but one day you think you may not have because it almost has become an automatic response to leaving your house, going to your car and driving away. I thought about my relationship to God and how I can have a similar relationship to him. We get so familiar with our actions in interacting with Him that it can just become an automatic response. I don’t think this is a good thing. We should never get to a place with God where we just have “auto responses” to him. I think that our walk with God should always have a level of intentionality behind it. So, the next time you forget if you locked your door or not remember the importance of spending intentional time with God. He always remembers if you spend time with him!

what are you "going through"?

2007-02-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

Going through something is an interesting process. When we say that we are “going through” that obviously means that there is a start and a finish to what is being gone through. The difference is that when we give our hearts and lives to God we surrender the right to look for the exit out of the situation that we are going through and we say “God, you are the one that we trust to teach us what we need to learn as well as getting us through that stretch of life.” The fact is that we will always be “going through” something in life whether it’s physical, emotional or spiritual. The variable is who will we let guide and direct what we do in the middle of that situation? If its God, then we need to stop continuing to look for the reason why and accept the fact that He is trying to teach us something in the middle of our stuff.

trust

2007-01-27T19:27:00.001-07:00

One of the hardest things to humanly do is trust. I know that with where I am with my life that I am in a place of having to trust that God has my future in his hands. My truck broke down yesterday and I just felt like I was going crazy. It is hard when everything in the physical realm looks pretty bad but I have God telling me in his Word that He is going to take care of me in every way. I have my wife telling me that God is just allowing things to happen to us so that he can set us up for an even greater miracle. Honestly, that is just hard for me to hear because we have to go through the crap to see what’s on the other side.

the greatest praise

2007-01-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

I think that the greatest praise that you can give the Lord is what I call “no reason praise”. This is the kind of thanksgiving to God that is really born from nothing or from bad circumstances. I know that because God is great that He has every right to be praised but there are times in life when it feels like we have no reason because of personal circumstances. When we praise God in the middle of the trouble in our lives we do many things. We encourage other people that are watching our lives, we make the devil mad because he wants to steal our praise to God and we put ourselves in a position to be used by God that is beyond our human ability. Let God be the super that combines with your natural and live a life that is supernatural.

Life's too short

2007-01-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of the car my mom and uncle were in when they got in their accident. I looked again at this picture and thought to myself again that life is way too short to worry about things that don't really matter in eternity. I want to challenge you to think about the things that affect your life in a negative way and really evaluate whether they are worth the worry. Think about it.

The power of Proverbs

2007-01-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

We have been talking about the power of Proverbs in our small group and the importance of it being a consistent part of your emotional diet in life. It is not a Biblical book that has stories or principles in it that need to be deciphered in some way. It is a book that is based on practical actions in life that matter in your walk with God. Anything you decide to put in you will make up who you are. That is not just food but also emotionally what you decide to make part of your diet. Make the word a part of your emotional diet and see your self stay in great emotional shape.

2007-01-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

What motivates you in life? What happens when that motivation is gone? Evaluate your life today and consider what it is that takes you from where you are to where you need to go in life. If its money, then don't ever run out of it. If its someone else, make sure that person never leaves your life. If its Jesus Christ then be ready for anything because He is the master of unlimited motivational potential.

Snotty People equals Great Coffee

2007-01-05T16:27:00.000-07:00

Where there are snotty people there is great coffee. I found this out at a Starbucks that I like to go to every once in a while over by my work. I don’t like to really go in there because it is usually very busy and full of people that are so in love with themselves and their money that if they could legally marry themselves they would. I know that sounds like a rude statement but I noticed something about the quality of coffee and service that you get in this specific Starbucks; it’s impeccable. You are greeted well, your coffee is never wrong and it’s always hot and served quickly. It is the expectation of these people that come in to get coffee that the service will be excellent, the coffee hot and served fast so that they can get on with their day. The Starbucks knows this and does everything in its power to make sure that the people in that store are happy when they walk out. I believe that expectation is a key element in getting the best out of life. When things are not going well we have a tendency to lower our expectations in life so that we are not disappointed. It is always easier to expect less in life than it is to push yourself to expect God to do something special. It has been so hard with my eye condition to expect anything but “pills, ills and bills”. I guess I need to be like snotty people ordering coffee at Starbucks; expect the best and get the best.

My dog's new name is Colonel Sanders

2007-01-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

My dog got into our garbage the other day and started to eat the greasy chicken out of the trash. I told my wife that I am going to start calling him Colonel Sanders aka Mr. Kentucky Fried Chicken. I thought about how much we are like my dog when it comes to our relationship with God. My dog wanted to get into the trash because he thought he smelled something that would taste good and although it was in a trash bag he really didn’t care. He didn’t understand that there was probably a reason why we had put chicken in a plastic bag on the floor of our kitchen instead of keeping it in the fridge so that it would still be edible. All he knew was that it smelled good, he was hungry and he wanted it. How many times do we ignore God when he doesn’t give us something and we think is so important for us to have not thinking that God knows why we are not getting what we are asking for? Needless to say, my dog was not feeling too hot for that night and the better part of the next day. We push it with God sometimes when he says no to our requests in life and then we wonder why we have consequences to our actions. I want to trust that there is a reason why God is not giving me what I want and understand that he is smarter than I am knowing what I need when I need it. Don’t be like my dog that was rummaging through the trash for things that he should have never gotten into. Trust that there is a reason why God is not giving you what you want.

God Pills

2007-01-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year everyone! Now for my first new years revelation about life and our relationship to Christ; I am convinced that the majority of believers in Christ don’t really want to change they just want to feel better about themselves and their situations so that they can continue to live life the way they want to. I was talking to my wife last night about people who really want to change their lives and people who basically want just a band aid for their lives or a type of “God pill” to make the pain go away so they can continue to live life on their own terms instead of letting Christ be the boss. I have a pretty good perspective on this with the 28 pills that I take a day. I take some pills that are vitamins and some that help my adrenal gland not shut down from the prednisone that I am on right now but I also take pills that if I didn’t I would be in some serious pain. I really feel like we treat God the same way as pain medication. We ask God to “take the pain away” but are we willing to do what it takes to not just be free but to stay free? It’s a big question for our lives because a walk with God takes effort everyday and its not just a one shot deal. If you have been told different then you were lied to. Think about your life this year and how you will be different January 1^st of 2008 from who you are today. Don’t just take the “God pill” for pain, give him your life completely and see what happens. This is not just praying and asking God for what you want, it is making your actions line up with the Bible.

lessons from the snow

2006-12-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

We have had some SERIOUS snow here in Denver the past week or so and my wife and I had something interesting happen. The entire town of Denver was pretty much shut down last week and there were no supply trucks to stock the stores an also gas trucks to refill the gas stations. My wife went into the store to get a couple of groceries and said that all the salad was gone off the shelves and some other basic food was all gone. Then we went to fill up our car with gas and the gas stations were empty. It was very eye opening to see that we really take for granted some of the simple things in our lives. I think that is the same with God. When everything is going good, we don’t really think about our lives and the things that God takes care of that we never see. Then when things get rough in life we get all bent out of shape start to blame God and think everything is his fault. I guess that is why God wants us to thank God for the little things in life instead of just expecting life to roll along. God really is into using any and all situations to teach us the lessons that he wants us to learn.

true compassion

2006-12-25T14:59:00.001-07:00

I realized something about compassion these past few days. When it says in the Bible that Jesus had compassion on people I really think it meant more than the fact that he felt sorry for them. I think it had to do with a deeper level of self denial and more of putting people first. My eye has pretty much flared back up to the point that the medical community has needles and Chemo as the next step for my condition. I have had a hard time mentally this past week dealing with some of that and trying to stay positive. Then I thought about what Jesus knew he was going to have to ultimately do in dying on the cross for our sins while he was on this earth while saving and helping people with their crap. I really believe that when we have compassion on someone we are literally putting our “stuff” away mentally to put others people’s needs in front of our own. Jesus was the ultimate example of this for us when he would put other people in front of himself. When we feel sorry for someone the greater question is what does it motivate us to do? Does it inspire us to take action in their lives or is it just something we feel and then slip back into our own world of pain and mental distractions? I am not saying that I have mastered this technique in any way, but am trying to work towards a place of denying my own crap to put others first and help them with their walk in life. I would hope that God would put those same kinds of people in my life to encourage me and help me in this journey that I am walking as well.

your mind, emotions and actions...

2006-12-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

I noticed something about my health and my mind. When I have one of those “give up” days that happen every so often I find myself eating things I probably shouldn’t, sleeping more and walking less. I think that our minds are directly connected to our emotions in that way and it affects our actions. This really reemphasizes my point about how the devil is always trying to get at your mind so that he can affect your emotions and then get your actions to line up with how crappy you tell yourself that life is. Be careful to not separate these three elements of your life and think that they are not all intimately connected inside of you. I really believe that is why God doesn’t want just part of us, he wants all of us. He knows that if he only has one of those three areas committed to him that we are cheating ourselves out of the enjoyment of having him be in full control of our lives.

strength in relationships

2006-12-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

The strength of any relationship is not in agreement but in disagreement. I don’t think we realize the depth of that statement. When you have a relationship with anyone you have the ability to have a disagreement. The strength or depth of that relationship is tested or explored each time you disagree with that person. I think that if you know that person is not trying to intentionally hurt you then you are more willing to disagree with them and be able to walk away with a respect for them and their opinion. I also think that our relationship with God is also tested not when everything is going well and we are in “agreement” with his ways but when things are going rough. I know that in the season that I feel like I am in that I have disagreed with his methods to get me to a place of listening and trusting in him. There has never been a time in my life where I have had to trust that God like I have the past two and a half years. The true barometer of my relationship with God is tested each time my eye flares up or my back hurts or my mind starts to wander about all the things that can go wrong in my life because of the prednisone that I am on. I need to see my attitude with God getting better each time one of these things crop up in my life. If I am not getting closer to God and trusting him more than I am moving away from him and trusting him less. I want to have a strong relationship with God and the only way that I can do that is to trust him more.

God lets it happen...

2006-12-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

God really does love us enough to let things happen to us to keep our perspective on him. When we think that we are getting too big for our britches, as my mother would say, he allows stuff to happen to us to put it all back in perspective. I guess that is the key to keeping a good attitude in the middle of a trial; to realize that we are not the ones that God is trying to hurt, but the ones he is trying to help by keeping our eyes totally focused on him. My eye has flared back up a bit and it was a little discouraging but I know that if I keep my eyes on him everything will be ok. That is not saying that it doesn’t make my eye any less red or feel any better, but I don’t want a crappy attitude to keep me in this place of pain any longer than I have to be.

what you do echoes in eternity

2006-12-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

What we do on this earth echoes in eternity. The difference that we make here on earth will be what really matters. I mentioned this at my Grandma’s funeral service about leaving a legacy that people would remember. I always want to be remembered for making the people’s lives around me better because I had a part in their lives. There is no greater honor in this life than making someone else better because I was alive. Make someone’s life great today (you can be as creative as you want with that statement).

God's plan is bigger than you

2006-12-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

God’s ultimate plan is so much bigger than us and the crap that we go through. Let me explain. The devil’s main goal is to isolate us. I know that the scriptures say he is here to steal, kill and destroy but if he can isolate us then he can do all those things. One type of isolation is when we get so focused on the issues that are going on in our lives and we forget to realize that God’s plan is bigger than anything that we could ever imagine. I was praying tonight and I had a type of revelation about this. When I get focused on all the elements of my eye and how many things can go wrong at this stage it is pretty overwhelming and emotionally and mentally I can begin to isolate myself from everyone and everything that I am around. What better way for the devil to come in and lie to me about my situation than when I am in the middle of a physical and emotional battle. If you are isolating yourself by over-thinking your situation, stop it, go to church tomorrow and immerse yourself in Jesus and the family of God. It really is great therapy!!

what is in your hand?

2006-12-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

I think the best thing about serving God is that he will never ask you to do something that he doesn't think you can do or he will give you the power to overcome the crap in your life that seems so overwhelming. He really is only asking "what is in your hand?" He is asking you to use what he has given you and not expecting you to accomplish something without the right tools to get the job done. Don't get frustrated at the issues of life, begin to pray and ask God to help you have victory with the abilities he has instilled in you. You might surprise yourself at the kinds of things you can accomplish when you stop complaining and start working toward a solution to trouble in your life.

you get what you expect...

2006-12-06T22:39:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Montana and I helped with a funeral for my grandma. It went really well and I think it was good for everyone that was there. I did the eulogy for her and I think people really got a sense of the kind of person that she was. I said a couple of times that everyone grieves death differently and that we need to respect the way we grieve. For some people, they will cry a lot at the funeral and then be ok. For others, they will not cry at all and then a couple of weeks into life they will read something or see something that will remind them of grandma and be able to process it that way. There will also be people that have convinced themselves that it will be hard to deal with the loss of grandma. I really think the key with what I call “life issues” is that you get what you expect. If you expect to have a hard time getting through something that is emotionally painful in some way then you are probably going to have trouble with it. I don’t think that we really understand the power of our minds and the kind of mental strength we can have in most all situations. When God created us he knew that our minds were going to have great power in determining how we deal with all of life’s issues. There is really is something to the scripture verse that talks about taking every thought captive. The word “every” is not some, most or just about all; it means everything that goes through our minds. That verse is a perfect example of God understanding that if we don’t get our minds under control then the rest of the body will follow where the mind leads. We also need to realize that our minds are the primary target of the devil. If he can mess with our minds he has a chance to effect our actions. Expect to have a good day today and to take every thought captive and then release those things that cause you worry to God. He is big enough to take care of the crap that you go through and give you peace in the process. The catch is that you have to expect that he will take care of you which is not something that is easy to do but definitely worth it.

real change...

2006-12-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

What does it take for someone to change? I think that for everyone its very different because God knows what each of us need to inspire us to change. I think about the Bible and what that means to each person that reads it. Some people have to go through tramatic experiences to realize the importance of changing their lives and doing something different than what they have always been used to. For me, I needed to have a dangly eyeball to understand that I needed to change and seek God on a whole new level. I know that God doesnt want us to have to go through tramatic things to change, but he loves us enough to do what he needs to do to get our attention. Be a quick study and learn what God has for you. Look at your life now and see how you have changed; or if you have changed. Understand that anything that is considered to have life is either growing or dying. What are you doing with your realtionship with God?

what do you worship in worship?

2006-11-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

There are lots of things to worship in a worship service when the only one we should be worshipping is Jesus. If you think about it, many times when we are in church during the worship time we base our experience on lots of things. If we like the songs that we are singing then we probably get into worship more or sing more. If we like the band and the sound of the band then it seems easier to enter in and worship God. If we like the worship leader and the tone of their voice and if they sing in a range that we can sing in then we are all good. I am not pointing fingers at anyone who goes by those set of rules when they come into a church worship service because my whole job is to make sure that people at my church have a good experience with worship and the service in general. I guess I am just saying that we really need to think about who we are worshipping in Jesus and not all the “things” that make up our worship experience. We can get caught in a place of pleasing ourselves instead of taking ourselves out of the equation and pleasing God with a heart that says we don’t care what the music sounds like or the songs we sing or the way we sing them. We just want to honor the God of the universe with a heart that says “more Lord”. We have a lady in our church that some people would maybe consider strange because of the way she worships God. I see her every Sunday morning and I wish more people would enjoy their worship experience like her. She wouldn’t care what song we were singing or how it was sung because she is so into worshipping God that she doesn’t have time to “evaluate” the worship experience. God give me a relationship with you that goes beyond my mind and straight to my heart.

the church vs. the storm

2006-11-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

Another interesting observation tonight – we had our church service tonight and it went pretty good. The only problem is that we had about half the people we normally have. My observation was not being able to count the less people in the sanctuary but the fact that they stayed home because of the weather. Now, I live in Colorado so its not like people don’t know how to drive in bad weather around here. The interesting observation is that we could have four feet of snow on the ground with blizzard conditions in the mountains under a storm warning with all chain laws in effect and people would find a way to get to the ski hill or snowmobile area…but not church. It really is about what we think is important in our lives. So instead of pointing the finger at them I need to look at my own motivation for being in church besides the fact that I am paid to be there. I know that I need to be motivated to be in church because I want to be there and not because I feel like I have to be there. I will only get out of church what I put into it and seek to get from not just the preacher but from God for that night and specifically listening to what God is trying to tell me. I know that if I can connect with Jesus at church it is really more enjoyable than skiing down some double black diamond at Copper Mountain or going sixty miles an hour down some snowmobile trail. I think that we feel church is about learning the “rules of life” instead of looking at it as an opportunity to connect with the God of the universe and listen to what he has to say. Make church a priority. I know its not about “organized religion” but there is something supernatural about the church body meeting together to worship God and study the Bible which really is the guidebook for life.

easy is attractive

2006-11-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

Anything that is easy in life is attractive. Attractive is anything that can get or keep our attention and is something that we want. Easy is essentially stuff that doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to get or accomplish. The problem with that is that you probably won’t respect or take care of something that took you nothing to get. I know that my relationship with Jesus has been tested these past years and it has not been easy but it has been a time of searching my heart and belief system to say, “What do I really believe?” God lets us go through things in our lives to make us stronger and to help us value the things that take effort by going beyond knowing God with our minds and into living a life that shows with our actions. The easy part is knowing God with our minds. the hard part is living it out with our actions. I think a main reason why people fail or turn their back on God is that they just try to have a mental relationship with him instead of living a life that reflects his character. Not an easy thing to do.

value

2006-11-27T22:22:00.000-07:00

What do you value? It’s an interesting question. Before I got sick with my eye I had a very different “scale” that I would use to put a value on something. I was thinking about this with Christmas coming up and all the issues that have come up with the new video game system the Playstation 3. It is a video game system that cost between $500 and $600 dollars just for the system. That doesn’t include an extra controller or any games or the special video cable that you need to make it high definition. If you look on ebay right now people are buying these systems for at least twice and sometimes three times what they are worth. People are wiling to pay that kind of money if they see the value in it. If you put a great level of value in something you are willing to pay anything and willing to do just about anything to get it. To someone who doesn’t play video games that kind of money for a game system can seem like a pretty stupid investment but to a hard core video gamer that seems like a reasonable price to pay for such a great piece of electronics. I then thought about my relationship with Jesus. Is it something that I put enough value in that I would do anything to have or maintain that relationship with him and would the people around me see that I valued Jesus so much that I would be willing to make any sacrifice for him? It says in 1 Corinthians 1:18 that “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing or dying, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God.” I think that the more time that we decide to spend with Jesus the more we see the value of having a relationship with him and the better we can understand his love for us. Before I got sick I didn’t really put a great value on being able to see. Now that I have been dealing with this eye condition for the past two and a half years I understand the power of vision and the value in it. Today ask God to keep your perspective correct in what you put value in over the holiday season and ask God to maybe change the “value evaluator” in your life. I know for me that I don’t want people to have to go through what I have called “dangly eyeball time” to help change their perspective on what is important and what has real value in their lives.

the storms of life...

2006-11-26T18:39:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about something the other day about when the disciples were out on the Sea of Galilee with the storm and Jesus sleeping in the bow of the ship. When we went to Israel a few years ago I got to go out on one of these fishing boats and it was pretty amazing to think that I was out on this sea like the disciples of old. I guess storms can get pretty crazy out on the sea even though its not like being in the ocean and having a storm brewing. I thought about the request from the disciples to Jesus to calm the storm and he did, but I thought of something very interesting; they still had to row back to shore. Jesus didn’t stop the storm and magically transport the boat to the shoreline and everyone got out of the boat and kissed the good old solid ground. I think we need to realize that in life as well. When we ask God to intervene in our lives and “calm the storm” he is not going to also take us to where we are headed before that storm started. We still have to do the things in our lives that are going to “get us to the other side” and believe that God is right there in the boat with us wanting us to continue to row away and complete the journey that we have started out on. If we really believe that He has our best interests in mind we will know that he will only let things happen to us that either he knows we can handle now or that will teach us something that will benefit us in the future.

heap those coals!!

2006-11-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

I just read a verse this morning that I felt I needed to explain to everyone because for a long time I didn’t understand what it really meant. Its Proverbs 25:21-22. I am reading and it starts talking about my enemies and what I need to do to them and for them. I read verse 21 and it says that I need to feed them and give them something to drink which sounds like a pretty hard thing to do if they are considered my “enemy”. I keep reading into the next verse and I read something that sounds good to me with dealing with enemies; heaping burning coals on their head. I’m thinking, “thank you Jesus for giving me a little vengeance for myself and dealing with people that would give me a hard time”. I am imagining scooping some coals out of a stove and dumping them on an enemies head and watching their hair start on fire and then I win $100,000 on Americas Funniest Home Videos. Then the rest of the verse says that the Lord will reward you! I mean, how much better could it get than that; a cooked head of hair on my enemy, $100,000 from AFV and blessing from God. Then I studied that verse and got an education about what it really meant. Back in Bible times, burning coals were put in a head dress to keep a person’s head warm and not to cook their hair off. So I not only am supposed to give food and drink to my enemy but I am also supposed to make sure that their head is warm and they don’t catch a cold. The whole verse is not about what I can do to make myself feel better but about taking care of even my enemies. It is not hard to love and care for someone you like. It is another thing to live life on purpose and take care of those that you know probably don’t have your best interests in mind. For any of you who were misinterpreting that verse sorry to take away a reason to be mean to your enemies. Take time today and think about how you can bless your enemies which is not a real easy thing to do but worth it.

Why are you here?

2006-11-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

The best thing that can happen to us as humans is that we can discover why we were put on this earth. If you are having a difficult time figuring this out you possibly have a view of life that revolves around you more than others. Remember, the value of your life is only as great as the positive change in the people around you.

2006-11-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about what God wants you to be? I think that we evaluate that question based on life circumstances instead of the Word and who God says we already are. God already knows who we are but wants us to see who we are by allowing us to go through things in life to direct us towards trusting in him in all things. I think that is why there are verses in the Bible that say things like in our weakness He is strong and counting the trials that we go through all joy. In the human realm, that is just not right thinking, but to God that is normal thinking.

a cheat code life

2006-11-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

I love to play video games. I made an interesting observation about cheat codes for games. Once you have cheat codes you are pretty much done playing the game. To me, the game becomes boring especially if it is an unlock of all the characters or abilities for your character that you play with. I thought about the crap that we go through in life and wanting to get the “cheat code” so that we can get to the end of what God is trying to show us. If we did get that kind of advantage in life I don’t think that we would be learning anything and basically life would be too easy. If you are going through something major in your life you need to look at what you are learning in the midst of it instead of wanting to just get to the end. The question is not “if” we are going to have crap that we deal with in life, it is more the “how” are we going to come through those issues and what are we learning on the other side of them. If we live a life of “cheat codes” we limit our ability to learn from losing the game sometimes and trying harder next time.

Jesus is my hero

2006-11-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about the qualities of a hero? I used to have heroes like Michael Jordan and thought that he was the greatest person I could think of then I thought; why? What has he ever done for me? What does he even stand for? Heroes are people that you would want to be like or they have personal qualities that you want in your life. When you are picking out a person that you consider a hero think about their qualities and if you would want to be like them. Jesus is my hero...who's yours and why?

thank you for my eye

2006-11-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

I told God tonight thank you for what happened to my eye. No, I am not drunk and have not been taking any drugs (at least not the non-prescription kind). I really think that God had this happen to me to get my spiritual attention because of where I was at in my mind and heart. I am going to work on consistency with my Bible reading and prayer time this next month. It is a month from today that I am scheduled for the needle in my eye biopsy so no time like the present!!

Be careful what you sing, you just might get it

2006-11-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

There are some songs that we sing in church that I never really paid much attention to until after I got sick. I can remember lots of songs that say I’ll serve you God no mater the cost and if it costs me everything, I’ll obey. When life is breezin by and everything is going good you don’t really think much about those words and the subconscious verbal promises you are making God. When I got sick my perspective on the words that came out of my mouth changed. I am in a place now that I really think about the words that come out of my mouth in a worship service. Why would I have ever thought that God would put me in a place to so completely test my faith and to make me put actions behind those words that I have sung since I was a kid in church? We come into a worship time with God and think that it’s just about singing nice and feeling warm and fuzzy instead of realizing that we are making verbal proclamations to the creator of the universe. Next time you are in church think about what you are singing and realize that some day you may have to put actions behind those words. One of the things that I say now whenever I lead worship in any setting is “don’t sing it unless you mean it”. Realize today that your words have power and that you can affect your destiny by the things you speak over your life. That is a hard lesson I am learning right now because of all the crap I am going through with my eye and physical health. I want to speak what I see in the physical when I know I need to be dwelling on the supernatural.

time to think

2006-11-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

Finding God’s presence in your pain is definitely a hard thing to do. I think that the process of searching for God in the midst of the crap that you go through is important because it focuses your mind on asking God for his will instead of giving you time to complain about what you feel like God has you going through. I think that time is one of the greatest enemies of the mind when you are going through issues in your life. I can remember when my eye was at its worst about a year and a half ago and I was out of a job and had all the time in the world to sit at home and consider my life and how much I hated it. It was time that I had to consider suicide; it was time that I had to think about going blind and time to think about how much I was not providing for my family with finances. I know that I cannot give my mind time to think things that don’t line up with the word of God. The doctors don’t really think that the medication that they have me on is working and they want to have me go to St. Louis and get a needle stuck in my eye for a biopsy and see if it could be some kind of tumor or mass in my eye. I am listening to the doctors that I believe God has put in my life, but I also want to put my mind in a place of believing for God’s healing touch. Time is such a huge commodity in our lives and we need to think of how we spend it. If we don’t learn how to be stewards of the time that God has given us, we get caught making the mistake of giving the devil inroads to our minds and the ability to cause confusion in all areas of our lives.

more than a promise

2006-11-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about Noah and the rainbow that God gave him after the 40 days and 40 nights of the flood as a promise to never flood the earth again. I thought about what was going through Noah and his family’s mind about the 39^th day of everything that was going on and wondering if it was ever going to end. That rainbow that God gave to Noah was not just the promise for the future but a changing of seasons in the present. It was going from a season of rain and destruction to the earth drying out and life to begin again. When I think of the “season” that my wife and I are going through right now it is hard to believe that it will ever end. I really feel mentally like Noah on the 39^th day of rain and asking God if there is really ever going to be a change of seasons. We have 286,000 miles on our car and my wife asked me if we were ever going to have a new vehicle and I gave her some smart-aleck response and said with the way life is going right now probably not. I was speaking honestly out of how I felt but I know that it’s not about what I feel it’s about what promises God has given me that says we have seasons in our lives; seasons for growing and seasons for dying. I also know that in Hebrews it talks about how the trials that I go through will only produce good things if I am trained by them. If you are going through something in your life remember the rainbow that God gave Noah as a promise but also an assurance that life is made up of seasons and to ask God for the patience to learn what he is trying to teach you in the crap you face today to develop strength for your tomorrow.

selfish listening

2006-11-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

We have become a society of selective hearing. I really believe with all the marketing of what do “you want” and a ridiculous level of self consumption that we listen selfishly. Listening selfishly is when you only hear what you want to hear and say anything you want to say. This is not only true in human relationships but with God as well. I remember when I was in what I call “full complaint mode” when my eye was doing really bad and was saying continually that God was not listening to me and my needs and didn’t really care about what was going on in my life. I know now that God is always talking to us and the greater question is whether or not we are going to listen to what he says. When I don’t listen selfishly and spend time waiting to hear what God has to say I have to put myself in a place of submission to what he wants and not what I want. To listen in this way, I need to realize that whatever he has to say is way more important than what I have to think and that his words have the power to alter my destiny if I will let them. Today, practice the fine art of listening. Just because you have the ability to listen doesn’t mean that you are good at it. It takes work to be a good listener to God as well as people but it is worth it.

2006-11-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days that just feel like a "throw away day"? Don't make that today! As Christians we are to focus on the things that bring life and not death and an attitude that says I don't care has death written all over it. Look past the crap of life today and look to help the world around you. God knows they need it!

victory

2006-11-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

I read this in my Watchman Nee book today and it really challenged me to think differently about the crap that my wife and I area going through and looking for God to break through all the issues in my life.

"Victory should be the Christian's normal experience, and defeat should be abnormal. According to the Biblical standard, it is deemed to be strange if you do not overcome, and reckoned as common when you do overcome."

That challenged my thinking to change from begging God to heal me to working on expecting that my situation will change because God knows where I am and what I need.

billy graham

2006-11-06T08:17:00.001-07:00

I was watching the Billy Graham birthday special on TV yesterday and heard him say something awesome that really challenged me. They gave him a star on the walk of fame and he said that they had talked to him a few years ago about giving him a star and he refused because of the “company” of who was on the walk. He said that he reconsidered his stance and decided to let them honor him. When he started explaining the reason why he changed his mind it made me cry. He said that in the future if some kid was walking with his mother and he asked “who was Billy Graham? Was he a rock star or movie star?” His mother could tell him that he was a great preacher and it would give the mother an opportunity to share about Christ with her son then it would be worth being on the walk of fame. Basically he was saying that it was only important to him to have a star if it could bring glory to God. What an amazing perspective on life and bringing honor to God in his life. I want my life to be the same; that everything I do reflect Christ and what he has done for me.

what's really important

2006-11-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

I used to think that the most important thing about being a Christian was what I did for God. This eyeball time, as I like to call it, has really changed my concept on Christianity. If our walk with God was based on the things that we do for him then we would develop a false understanding of the expectations of what it means to follow Christ. I used to think that my greatest calling or purpose in life was to win souls for the kingdom of God or to read my Bible everyday and pray long extensive hours but those things are not true. They are all very important elements to a true Christian walk, but my highest calling in this life and on this earth is to know God. That sounds so simple but it is not something that is looked at as a priority in this life. It is about the doing for God instead of the being with God that we emphasize. When I focus on wanting to get to know him, then the other things I mentioned flow out of that. It takes me from a place of having a servant mentality to having a son mentality. It takes me from the obligation to serve God to the privilege of serving him. Anytime in life when we feel like we have to do something out of obligation we will always be looking for the end. When we want to do something we are not looking for the end but enjoying the time we spend on the journey.

effect and affect

2006-11-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, I always have screwed up these two words. They sound alike and are the same amount of letters but mean something different. If you change one letter from “Effect” to “Affect” you change the entire meaning of the word. Effect means the result of something while Affect means influence or to act upon. In this life there are products and by-products; you are either producing something with your life or you are the byproduct of someone else’s decisions and choices. You are the one that is going to decide what happens in your life and not someone else. I think with being a Christian all my life I have expected Jesus to not only give me direction for my life but to take me there as well. It’s almost like we expect Jesus to his part and ours as well. The Bible talks about the working together of God and his will and our actions. We are not exempt from the process. Think about it; to accept Jesus into our hearts (action) to giving our life to him (action) and the constant reminder to spend time with him and reading his Word (action). These are the foundations of having a walk (action) with Christ and completely our decision. In fact, each of these actions elevate the honor of Christ in our lives because they have a level of voluntary action to them. I want my life to be the product of positive actions that move me towards Christ and not the by-product of others decisions.

anger of man

2006-11-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

James 1:19-21

19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

It is so true that man’s anger has power but that it doesn’t bring any glory to God in our lives. As humans, we screw up the first part of that verse on a regular basis and most times it involves us dealing with some sort of pain in our lives. When we go through things that cause us pain I think our first reaction is to be slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to become angry. All these things lead to man’s anger and not God’s righteousness in our lives. When we feel like we have been wronged or we feel like people don’t understand the pain, whether its physical or emotional, we react to situations to be noticed. If we would have the perspective that God knows what we are going through then we are not in such a hurry to be justified in our pain that we deal with. I want the kind of life that God desires for me and not the one that I think is best. If I am slow to listen but fast to speak I am usually setting myself up to temporarily feel better but not to have a better life. If we live our lives in a state of reaction instead of action we let circumstances dictate to us the direction of our lives. That means that the devil can throw something like physical disease at us and it has the power to alter our destiny and the quality of the life we live. Don’t be governed by emotional responses to life. Ask God to help you to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. These are the things that turn us from ordinary humans into extraordinary people.

Complaining

2006-11-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

I had a type of revelation today. I don’t remember if I brought this up in a previous blog or not, but I really think we need to realize that God is not going to be convinced that we need to have a change in our lives because we complain about it. In fact, I think that we prolong the process with growth and maturity with Christ when we complain about the things going on in our lives instead of asking God to confirm his presence in the midst of trials and crap. This is so easy to say and so hard to live as I am experiencing right now in life. If you are at a place of being able to complain about something in your life or being able to ask God for the strength to learn from your situation please choose the latter of the two options. Its like my situation with my eye; I can either ask God to give me peace with everything, or I can complain and get nervous, raise my blood pressure and make life crappier for me. By complaining about where I think God has me right now I put myself in a place of prolonging the process. Please, speaking from experience, don’t prolong the process.

Mental Inventory

2006-10-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

My mom and uncle were in a car accident yesterday and it was an interesting mental inventory that I took. It seems that in the past two and a half years I have taken quite a few of those. They are both fine, but the reality that we are not promised tomorrow hit me square in the face. If you think about it, we live in a world of false guarantees. We build our lives and attitudes assuming that we will live to see tomorrow when really that is a great myth. Every time I get up in the morning I may not live to see that night and I think we need to always remember that. When my dad called me this morning and told me about my mom and uncle I wondered what the rest of the sentence would be. In thinking about the report that I got from the doctors in St. Louis this past week I was reminded yesterday that I need to live for today and not base my attitude on the incorrect assumption that I will even live to see tomorrow. This really reinforces my thoughts on not worrying about tomorrow because that is exactly what the devil wants you to do to steal your today

Had a Hard Day

2006-10-28T16:09:00.001-06:00

I had a hard day yesterday. I was not able to get my Remicade treatment because of an anti-bacterial medicine that they just put me on. Now I can’t take one of the drugs to stop my eye from being eaten away by my immune system but I need to take another medication to fight a possible reason for the inflammation. Wow. This just gets more interesting. I may make this part of the chapter in my book that will possibly be titled – “When the “Crap” seems to outweigh the “Holy”. This is definitely a time in my life when I need to practice what I preach/sing about the voice of truth and what are the voices I choose to listen to right now.

Good Trip to St. Louis

2006-10-27T06:48:00.000-06:00

We had a good trip to St. Louis (and I got my St. Louis ribs – woohoo!!) and all the doctors there did a good job. I appreciated their honesty and taking all the time they did to look me over. They are putting me on an anti-bacterial/fungal medication to see if that helps for the next month. If that doesn’t work then they may want to go in and do a biopsy to see if there are any masses in the eye. This is actually sticking a needle in my eye. With even the possibility of this happening I know there was a little saying when I was growing up that will never come out of my mouth ever again; “I promise, hope to die…” and then something about sticking a needle in my eye. Ahh, the things we say when we are young and don’t really realize what they mean! I am starting the anti-bacterial medication today and we will see. (no pun intended)

The big eye trip

2006-10-22T19:06:00.000-06:00

I go to St. Louis this week to get my eye looked at by a guy that is supposed to be the best in the country for the type of eye condition that I have. I don’t know what to expect with him looking at it. I have been seen by over 30 doctors so to me it’s just another opinion. I really believe that God is putting me in a place of trusting in what he says about my eye in the Bible that I am already healed by the work that Jesus did on a cross for me 2,000 years ago. For whatever reason, it’s easy to trust the doctor with giving me a prescription to help something that is going on in my body but hard to trust that the Bible needs to be like a prescription for me as well. I know that God is challenging my actions in the physical realm to see a change in my body and believe for a change in the spiritual realm as well. We want to see God do a great work in Denver and know that it will come through our obedience in prayer and asking God to do great things here. I had a conversation with my dad the other day and we came to the conclusion that with all the things that God has for us to do in this life that my eye just doesn’t seem as important as we make it.

Its not the tears, its the time

2006-10-21T09:38:00.000-06:00

My intimacy with God is never going to be judged by the amount of tears I cry but by the amount of time that I spend in his presence. I have always grown up with the thinking that the more I cry the more I am close to God. God has really given me the revelation that I need to not just emotionally want to feel his presence but also commit to spending time with him. There is nothing wrong with emotionally feeling God and wanting to be touched in that way, but if I just say that I know him and his thoughts but never spend time getting to know him than I am lying to myself and I have nothing to give people around me who need Jesus. I can never give away anything that I first have myself and I believe that includes a relationship with Jesus. It always seems like I never have enough time to spend with God unless I build it into my day somehow. I used to think that I would get up just a little earlier before work and spend time in prayer and read my Bible but it ended up me getting up earlier and getting to work earlier. I want to challenge you today to really seek that time with God and to let him show you his heart and take you places that you have never been. I know that it is always easier to make that time a priority when you have crap going on in your life but the best kind of time spent with God is when you are enjoying life and still making him a priority.

"Churchy" Word Definition

2006-10-20T11:02:00.000-06:00

I have decided to define what I call "churchy words" every so often on my blog to help people decode the language of "churchy's" if they ever encounter one. A "churchy" is someone who likes to use big religious words that can many times be confusing to a listener with no church background. This is not meant to disrepect those people who find it necessary to use big religious words with a non-believer and i actually want to be a type of "bridge" to help explain words that can sound kind of funny if you dont have a reference of growing up in church all your life. Also, if you ever encounter a "churchy" and hear a word that they use that you dont understand please post a comment on any of my blogs and I will try and help define it for you.

Consistency leads to Conformity

2006-10-20T11:01:00.000-06:00

Did you realize that whatever you are consistent in you conform to? I think this is in all areas of our lives but even more so with our walk with God. I know that God wants us to have consistency with him so that we can conform to what he wants us to be. When everything is going good in our lives we can sometimes lose the commitment to stay consistent with God in prayer or Bible reading. As a long time believer in Christ, I know that I have had a misconception of what prayer is to me. Without admitting it, I would have said that prayer is a wish list to Jesus that includes everything that will make me feel better about my day and life. The power that I see in prayer now is as much the consistency as it is the actual request. The same is true with the Bible. I can either view it as a nice book of ethical stories, or I can see it as important as the prednisone that I have to take every day or my eye will rot out of my head. The Bible says in Romans 12:2 that we should not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind. We will conform to what we are consistent with. If you want to know the mind and heart of God and let him help you to make decisions that will be for your best then have consistency in your Bible and prayer time. These are both exercises that will help your mind focus on Him and not on the crap that you may be going through in your life. Our mind is what the devil wants to attack and our mind is what God wants us to set on him so that we can have an awesome life that is full of blessing. I believe that God lets us get into struggles in our lives to push us towards that consistency that leads to conformity. Conformity can sound like such a terrible word. It has implications or having to surrender your will or to be like someone else and have to lose your identity. I want my identity to be in Christ and I want to willingly conform to what he wants because I admit that I don’t know as much as God and want to have his mind in me everyday to not only help me make important decisions, but to also have a relationship with me.

What is your integrity worth?

2006-10-19T20:51:00.000-06:00

What is your integrity worth? I was at a restaurant the other day and I had an interesting experience. I was getting a burrito with guacamole and came up to the cashier and they rang my order up for a burrito with no guacamole. The lady asked me for my money and I told her that she needed to charge me for guacamole. She looked at me like I had a third eye. It was interesting that she was so shocked that I wanted her to charge me more for my meal. She asked me why I did that and I told her that my integrity was worth more than 89 cents. She laughed about it, but it was a great opportunity for me to be a witness by not taking advantage of the situation. What is your integrity worth? I really think its important for people that call themselves Christian to think about every action that they take during a day and really take inventory about what their integrity is worth. It is worth it to me to pay an extra 89 cents to be able to witness for Christ.

Dont take the simple things for granted

2006-10-17T22:29:00.000-06:00

We always want what we don’t have. I think I understand what that statement means now more than ever. Since I have been sick I have had a chance to take a mental inventory of my life and really think about the things that are important to me. I have never really been a person who liked to read books but once I got sick I thought of the possibility of not being able to read anymore because of my eye condition. I also was thinking of all the things that I visually took for granted when I had perfect vision; a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the mountains, etc. I never even thought about the things that were so basic to me when I was not sick. I know that I am a different person now that I have this perspective in my life and can really appreciate the things that I would have taken for granted even a few years ago. When you don’t think that you will be able to see anymore your vision becomes like a commodity and you think about how you are going to “spend” that commodity. Don’t take for granted the things that God gives you like the ability to see, walk, touch, smell, taste and hear. These are some of the greatest gifts that God has given us and we need to be grateful that we have them and realize that there are others in the world that don’t have these basic gifts that we so often take for granted.

Happiness is a decision not a condition

2006-10-16T21:17:00.000-06:00

Dont ever forget that your happiness is not a condition its a decision. When you live life based on happiness that is conditional you give the circumstances around you power to alter your future. When you DECIDE that you are going to be happy you take control of your destiny because no matter what happens to you in life you cause the quality of your life to improve. I know that the past couple of years of crap in my life has forced me to decide to have happiness in my life. Having an eye condition my sickness is always in front of me from when I open my eyes in the morning to when I go to bed at night. I dont have the luxury of ignoring my sickness. If you dont have the attitude that is choosing happiness I challenge you to make the emotional and physical effort to choose happiness. Try it this week and just see how much more authentic your happiness will become. Take control of your destiny because the decisions you make in life will determine the direction of your life.

Praying versus Complaining

2006-10-12T21:59:00.000-06:00

God gave me a pretty cool revelation about something yesterday. I really believe that at your job, if you are not praying for you boss then you are complaining about them. I really think this goes along with gratefulness and God really wanting us to live our lives in a “grateful manner”. I know that God has placed me where I am at to be able to lift up my leadership up in prayer and to see God teaching them things and using them in ways that even surprise them. I know that when I stop praying for them that my attitude start to sour and I will start to look at the things that I don’t like about my job instead of focusing on the ways that God has blessed me to have a great opportunity to minister to Denver through the local church. I don’t think that this process is limited to the church. I think that no matter where you work that you have a great opportunity to make a difference in your work environment by praying for all the leadership over you. You will either be shooting at your leadership with negative bullets or be looking to guard them with prayer and being blessed by it.

Focus on eternity

2006-10-08T21:46:00.000-06:00

After being sick for the past two and a half years I am convinced that God uses situations and circumstances to focus our lives on our eternal existence and get our eyes off of the temporal. I can honestly say that all the things that my wife and I have been through the past couple of years have really forced me to seek my eternal purpose in my physical existence instead of continuing to ask God why this is happening to me in the physical. When my focus is on the eternal I realize that my time here on earth is pretty short considering the time I will spend in eternity with him. If I don’t keep that in mind then I can get in a place of looking at the pain instead of his plan for me and thanking God each day I’m able to open my eyes (literally) and thank him for another one. I can say that there are lots of things that I took for granted before I got sick like being able to see a sunrise or sunset, reading a book or just being able to see correctly out of both eyes in general. I want to live my life here on earth as a grateful person who does everything in his power to change the destiny of the people around him. Like I said a few blogs back, my life will not be the result of a lack of prayer and I want to live a life that changes the people that come in contact with me. I know that there are a lot of people watching not only for my healing but also my attitude in the middle of this storm.

Commitment

2006-10-07T14:52:00.001-06:00

Have you ever wondered about the power of commitment? In a world that is willing to give up easily if something feels too hard it is often difficult to stick to something even though it would be easier to give up. I really think it is a lost art form and something that sets people apart from just existing in this life to really making a difference in the world around them. When you commit to something you are saying that you are not looking at the surrounding circumstances but considering the value of what you have started. I know that when I talk to people about following Christ, I always say that it is not easy but definitely worth it. Today, examine your life and recommit to finishing things that you are maybe considering quitting.

Its the COPS!!!

2006-10-04T23:22:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been driving and seen a cop, look down at your speedometer and hit the brake a little maybe to make sure that you are not going to get in trouble or pulled over? Its funny, but I think we can treat God that same way. We think that sometimes God is waiting up in heaven to catch us when we mess up or waiting for us to make a wrong choice while “driving the highways of life”. If we feel like God is watching “extra close” we put the brakes on in life to make sure that we are not breaking the “goodness expectation” of God. Really, we should not be speeding or driving recklessly and our vehicle should be in good working order and that is that same with our Spiritual lives as well. We should not have to be thinking about “hitting the brakes of life” because we are already doing what we should be doing anyways. If you are “speeding through life” and not paying attention to the signs and signals around you and you feel like God has “pulled you over” just take the ticket, listen to what He tells you and be more careful next time. It really is for your own safety that He is keeping a careful watch on your life and is concerned about you speeding out of control.

Who is Jesus to You?

2006-10-04T00:03:00.000-06:00

Who is Jesus to you? A great question to ask yourself today.

Are you a Dumfart?

2006-10-02T22:33:00.000-06:00

Although this is a funny picture, we really need to think about what our gravestone will say when we are gone. What will we be remembered for and what kind of impact did we make on the world around us? I believe that we have a responsibility to make the world around us better because of the life we live and not just to take up space. These people will always be known as the "dumfart's" but, (no pun intended) the greater question is what kind of life did the dumfart's live while they had a chance to change the world around them? What will you do today that will possibly change someones tomorrow? Live life on purpose not on accident.

Expecting Church or Expecting a Move of God?

2006-10-01T22:10:00.001-06:00

I firmly believe that if you were raised in church then you have the possibility of a type of Spiritual deficiency that could have developed. I am always in awe at how people overseas can see such great moves of God and miracles that we just don’t see here in the states. It has always been a mystery to me and a great question in my heart as to why we don’t see the kinds of moves of God that change lives, families and countries. I had a type of revelation this weekend about all of this. We have a prayer time each month called “city prayer”. It’s where people from all over the Denver area meet together and pray for all different kinds of things as a corporate church body including revival in Denver. This includes over 120 churches from the area that can be represented on any given Saturday morning at our church. I was walking and praying and I thought, we have become so accustom to the act of prayer that I think we forget what we are doing in communicating with God and asking to have a relationship with him. We have actually come to place of coming to a prayer meeting or church and just expecting to have church instead of coming and expecting God to move or do something to display his power in a new and fresh way. Because of the type of familiarity with God we havr trained our minds and hearts to expect a prayer meeting instead of expecting something to mighty and great to come from that meeting. I think the great question then is what do we do to break out of that mode? It is always easy to ask the question but it is much different to actually provide solutions to the problem. I want to encourage you, if you have never, give a response to this question in the respond section of this blog. You don’t need to register or anything and you can just leave a comment connected to this blog and then I can post some of the answers in a later blog telling how some people responded. This sounds funny, but I don’t want to get so “familiar” with God that I lose the awe, respect and hungry expectation to see change in my life and the lives of the people around me including Denver.

2006-09-28T18:52:00.000-06:00

Always remember that in life, things are not always what they seem. I know that I need to trust God completely with my life and what may appear to be everything out of control and a dead end situation with my eye. It may appear like that in the physical realm, but in the Spiritual realm I need to focus on His promises for me. I don’t think that changes whether you are dealing with emotional or physical crap. We “rate” the level of our pain and react to it instead of saying “Jesus, you know what I am dealing with so take my life and do what you know is best for me”. We know in this picture that the guy is not actually holding the sun, but it appears that way. At times, we may not think that God is listening or that He cares about what we are going through but it may just “appear that way”. Don’t give up.

True Success

2006-09-25T23:06:00.000-06:00

I have had a lot of time to think about what the word success means and the full implication of that term in my life. I used to think that success meant that a lot of great people knew my name and that I was well respected in my professional field. That people would seek me out for my knowledge and wisdom about Godly issues and want to glean from years of experience. I just don’t believe that anymore. I really believe that true success in life is measured by two things; what I did with what God gave me in my talents and abilities as a man of God and did I use those talents to improve the people around me? I really believe that the only legacy that we can truly leave behind when we die is the investment that we made in others. Money and things in the physical world can all fade away or be lost for whatever reason, but when you make an investment in another human being they are a carrier of the things that you gave them. Because I am a Christian, I believe that the only things I can give others that mean anything is what God has given me first and that I can’t give away anything that I have not first possessed myself. I know that through this time of testing that God is bringing to my memory people that I have touched through the years of my life. I just got a packet of information from a guy who used to be in my youth group and now lives in New York as a school teacher and has a healing ministry that he wants to see touch the greater New York City area. I am so proud of him and to say that God used me in his life is a little humbling to say the least. He calls himself my “protégé” and I am honored to have him not just as a former teen that came out of “my ministry” but as a friend. Tonight I was walking and praying and God was bringing names of people that I have touched with God’s help through the years. It was also good to get perspective from my wife as we were getting dinner ready tonight and she said, “No wonder the devil hates you so much. Look at the lives you’ve touched”. I guess the really scary part is that I will probably never know the people that are watching my life and the crap I am going through with my eye and who I am even touching with this blog site. One thing I can promise you in this life; if you want to really be successful in what you do and who you are then be ready for opposition but know that it’s worth it to make the devil more mad and Jesus more popular.

2006-09-24T22:21:00.000-06:00

My wife and I really wanted to go to Disneyland this year for our vacation but we are not going to be able to go. The money that we needed never came in and it looks like we get to take our vacation time and go to St. Luis for an eye exam. Whoopee. This season that God has us in really doesn’t seem like it will ever end. It is so hard to keep faith that God has your best interests in mind when it seems like every turn in life is another disappointment. I guess God is trying to help my wife and I realize that everything we have and are is not really ours in the first place. I am realizing more and more that I can’t complain that “God took this or that” because it has always been His in the first place. When I realize that my very breath is his and not even mine I can’t complain about things taken. I must have the perspective that if God wants me to have something that it will be in his time and not in mine. This is probably one of the toughest life lessons I have ever had to learn.

Conplaining versus Petitioning

2006-09-23T09:32:00.000-06:00

I think there is a fine line between making our requests known to God and complaining about our circumstances. I think that sometimes we mix what we want in the form of requests and asking God for his will to be done in our lives. This kind of goes along with my gratefulness provides an atmosphere for change blog that I wrote a while back. The Bible tells us to make our requests known to God but I think sometimes it becomes a “Christmas wish list” on one hand or a "list of complaints in my walk with God" on the other instead of having a conversation with God and letting him know with your mouth what is in your heart. He already knows what’s inside us but we need to speak with our mouths the things we want to see. I am not trying to say that we need to be fake with God. We need to have honest conversations with God and not just religious rote chantings. I know that when I am spending time with him that my desires will become his desires and I won’t have to worry about whether or not I am asking him for things that are his will or just my will. When we deal with crap in our lives, it always seems like our prayers revolve around those issues. It is so hard to try and pray for others when you are going through personal struggles. I guess the point of this blog today is to be careful not to cross the line of asking God for help in a situation and complaining about the process that he is having you go through. Sometimes we can miss the things he is trying to teach us because we don’t like the method being used and that God loves us enough to keep that “method” going until we learn what he has for us.

The Vessel

2006-09-20T21:31:00.000-06:00

This picture is from the World Prayer Center in Colorado Springs and is called "The Vessel". It reminds me of a prayer, "God, pour into me so that I can be the vessel that you have called me to be. Never let me think that anything good that comes from me is naturally from me. It has always been and forever will be about you and your power flowing through me. Use me and my life to glorify you and make you popular to the people around me".

My Personal Mission Statement

2006-09-19T11:29:00.000-06:00

Two things that are my mission statement and I will forever live by:

My life will not be a result of a lack of prayer

I will live my life to make others around me better than me

Jesus is my crutch

2006-09-18T22:23:00.000-06:00

What do you lean on? Did you realize that everyone has a “crutch” that they lean on when times get tough? I was told a few years ago that God was just a crutch that I lean on in my life and that I couldn’t stand on my own. I was thinking about that tonight as I was praying about my situation with my eye. Everyone that I know has a crutch or something that they lean on. For some people, it is their money and the love of making more and more of it. For some, it’s their love of self and the crutch of “self-sufficiency”. I can think of people that lean on friends or others for support in tough times. I guess you can say that God is my crutch. He is the one that I have learned to lean on in this trying time. I went to the eye doctor today and he said that I need to get a second opinion from a doctor in St. Luis in about a month. He is supposed to be one of the best in the world as far as eye conditions like mine. He actually studies the cells that cause the type of inflammation that I have. We have one more drug that we are going to try and my eye doctor here wants me to get the opinion of this other doctor before we start the treatment. My wife was asking me how I could be so happy after this current news that we got today from the eye doctor and I told her that I am not willing to stay where I am at because of a poor attitude. I told her that we can either trust God for the future or have crappy attitudes and stay longer to have God teach us what He wants us to learn. I know that she knew just what i meant and so we are not going to have crappy attitudes keep us in a place of "learning" with God. Who am I to say that God doesn’t want me to meet this world renowned doctor and witness to him in some way? I know now more than any other time in my life that God is absolutely my crutch because I know he won’t break, he won’t come apart and I can lean on Him all day and know that he will support the weight of my life very well. I can’t say that about money because it could always run out. I can’t say that about myself because I know that I will even let myself down sometimes with discouragement and confusion and I can’t say that about any human being that I know because every person on this earth has the ability to let another person down. So think about your life and what you lean on when times get tough. Is there enough alcohol in the bottle to wash away life’s pain? Is there enough marijuana to keep a person high enough to forget about life's issues? They will still be there when the buzz is gone and the high turns into a sluggish low. I choose to lean on Jesus and the strength of that crutch.

Worry and The Future

2006-09-16T22:05:00.000-06:00

Did you realize that if you are worrying about tomorrow that you let the devil steal your today? This was an amazing point that came out of a small group that my wife and I were running with college aged kids about a year ago. It really got me thinking about where I place my mind each day that I get up. There are some days that I get up, look out my eye and worry about whether I am going to go blind in my left eye. My mind races ahead to the worst case scenario and I wonder what it would be like to have to live life looking only out of one eye or worse to be blind. I know that these are just mind games that the devil plays with me and that combined with the medication that I am on that can also mess with me emotionally is a volatile mix. If I will let the devil cause my mind to wander into the future then the quality of my now has been destroyed. I can’t stay in the now and appreciate the things that God has given me if I am busy worrying about things that I have no control over. This blog is actually connected to my “worry and bending spoons” blog that I posted earlier this month. Matthew 6:34 actually says not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will have its own worries. When I first read that scripture I thought, “yeah, that’s cool. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow”. Then I read the verse again. It says that tomorrow WILL HAVE WORRY. It didn’t say that as long as I don’t worry and give it to God that there would be no worry. What that verse told me is that I need to take the worry that comes up each day and learn to give it to God. If anyone has ever dealt with an eye condition it is unlike other ailments in your body. I am not saying worse necessarily, just different. I have no way to ignore what is going on in my body with the condition of my eye. When I open my eyes in the morning I am clearly reminded about the condition of my eye because it has NEVER felt or looked the same two days in a row in the two and a half years that I have dealt with it. My eye is always getting better or worse everyday which is very strange. I can choose to worry about the future of my eye or I can give it to God that day, realize that I will have worry tomorrow to give God as well and live the best quality life that I can today. So don’t let the devil win in your mind by getting you to be concerned about things that you really have no control over. (that is unless you have a time machine like Michael J. Fox and 1.21 jigawatts to get you to the future, change it and get back)

2006-09-15T22:36:00.000-06:00

I love this picture. This picture screams, "God please protect me so that I can break the law speeding on my driving trip". Kind of something to think about. Nice one.

UPS, Ebay and Blessings

2006-09-14T23:07:00.000-06:00

I had a revelation today. I have actually had quite a few of those the past couple of years. I can remember a little over a year ago continually repeating that I couldn’t hear God talking to me. I really think that God was talking to me, but I was just too busy complaining. Anyway, here is my thought for you today. I got a new phone that I ordered off of Ebay with some birthday money that I received (thanks mom and dad). This is probably the coolest cell phone that I have ever had so needless to say I was very excited to get it. It was being shipped from a person who lives in New York so it was going to take a few days to get. I waited and waited and eventually received an email that said I would be getting it second day air through UPS with a tracking number to check with their website for updates on its status. I can tell you that I checked that UPS website at least four times a day to see where my package was and its status along the countrywide journey from New York to its eventual resting place of Denver Colorado. I woke up this morning and looked out the window before nine am which is when UPS starts making its deliveries with a certain excited expectation. I checked the website twice today and finally my package came!! I left work for about a half hour and came home to pick up my phone to start playing…I mean using it for work :) I told you that little story because I got a revelation about the promises of God and the expectation that we have or don’t have about receiving them. I thought that if I could bid on a new cell phone online that I had never seen before, paying someone I had never met and having them ship it from somewhere I had never been then I could start believing the promises that I read in the Bible for my life with that same level of expectation. I was waiting in expectation for my new phone because a promise was made to me by someone I couldn’t physically see and that it would be sent by UPS and received today. I read promises about health and financial provision in Gods Word that I need to believe and have the same level of expectation for. I can’t say that I don’t have faith because it wasn’t hard to believe that I would get my phone today. I had a guarantee from UPS for crying out loud! So I need to live in a place of expecting blessings and supernatural provision that goes beyond what I can or can’t see. Wow…thanks Ebay and UPS.

Curiosity traffic and my relationship to Jesus

2006-09-13T22:12:00.000-06:00

If you have never driven in Denver then you are missing out on life. It is a real experience. Take tonight for example. I was driving home after church tonight and there were two cars in front of me and one of them had their lights off. A police truck had passed us on the other side of the road and whipped around, came up from behind all of us and started to tail the car with their lights not on. The police truck turned on its lights and so the car he was tailing started to pull off to the side of the road into my lane. The car that was next to the cop and the car with no lights on started to slow down and gawk at what was going on trying to get a better view of the situation. I got in the lane behind him thinking he would speed up so that we could both go around the “situation” with the mysterious car with no lights on and a cop. He didn’t. He kept trying to get a better look to see if the cop was going to maybe pull his gun or maybe yank the guy out of the car and start to beat him with his club or something. I don’t know what it is, but drivers in Denver are always on the lookout for disaster on the roadways. This is the first city that I have ever lived in where you will have what are called “curiosity jams” on the roads. This is where, for example, you have four lanes of traffic with a meridian in the middle and an accident will be on one side of the road but BOTH SIDES will have traffic jams because the side of the road with no accident will be looking on the other side of the road for blood, guts or maybe a head rolling down the street. It is so frustrating when you are driving and in traffic and find out that it is not from an accident on your side but the opposite side of the road. Its almost like Denver drivers have a little bit of cat in them and you put shinny red and blue lights in front of their eyes and they lose all sense of consciousness and “follow the pretty lights”. It’s interesting that our human nature is to look for disaster in situations instead of the good. If you don’t believe me look at how popular “disaster footage” is online. When the crocodile hunter died one of the most searched points on a media website that I look at had that as the top story requested. I know that I need to ask God DAILY to change me and my human nature. I know that it isn’t enough that I have gone through this crap with my eye for a couple of years and now I always search God for all my needs everyday. It is a crucifying of the flesh every day that keeps me in tune with God and not catering to my human nature that wants to naturally find disaster in situations including the thought of my eye rotting out of my head.

Barrel o' Fun...

2006-09-12T11:53:00.000-06:00

Interesting to think that the person in this truck at the time probably didnt think it was very funny that his truck was on fire. Looking at this picture now with the caption at the bottom makes this pretty funny. It really is all about perspective.

The dentist and more perspective

2006-09-11T20:42:00.000-06:00

I got my teeth cleaned the other day. I know that makes my parents happy to hear that I am taking care of the pearly whites after all the money in braces and dental visits that they paid for all my years growing up. I used to think that one of the worst things in the world was going to the dentist. My orthodontist’s name growing up when I got braces was Dr. Fear for crying out loud! (I’m not even kidding about this) With my eye condition that I developed the past couple of years my perspective on “the worst thing” or pain really changed. I was sitting in the dentist’s office and thought to myself, I used to get upset stomachs when I would just look in the general direction of the dentist’s office growing up and now its really no big deal to go get a check up or get my teeth cleaned. I still don’t like the feel or sound of metal-pokey things being scraped on my teeth but in general I am not the nervous wreak that I used to be back in the day. I would say that I “grew up” with my thinking about how bad those encounters were in my life. As bad as I thought it was to go to the dentist growing up it is nothing to the crap I have went through with my eye these past couple of years. I can remember when my eye was really bad only getting about an hour and a half of sleep a night and actually watching the inflammation increase in my eye as I laid in bed with headaches and ice packs to try and help with the pain. I would get up from the couch and look in every mirror in the house at how red my eye was probably no less than forty times. I actually developed “dents” in the muscles in my thighs from leaning against the counter in my bathroom. The pictures I posted were from my compulsive obsessive nights of looking at my eye continuously and complaining about just how bad I had it. I think about what I have went through the past couple of years and know that there are others out there that have dealt with their own version of pain and duress. I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter how bad you think something is in life, to keep perspective on it and don’t get down thinking the worst about it. Some of you reading this don’t have a relationship with God to be able to lean on him. I would encourage you to give your stuff to him and see what happens instead of trying to deal with it on your own. I look back on my physical issues and know that I need to keep perspective and not look back but look forward. I believe that I will come out of this season with the same perspective I have about the dentist now; that all in all, it just wasn’t that bad. I am not saying that the pain is or was any less excruciating, but if I can learn what God has for me in the midst of all this then I can come out on the other side with a perspective that goes beyond me asking “why did this happen to me” and to “God, what are you trying to show my through this”.

Random funny picture

2006-09-10T22:42:00.000-06:00

I think that one thing that has helped to get me through this season of crap in my life is humor. Even at the expense of this little kid. Sorry for those of you who still believe in Santa. Family, please dont let Jalen see this picture.

Your attitude in adversity

2006-09-09T22:43:00.000-06:00

The fact is that we will all go through a certain level of crap in our lives. It may not be happening right now to you, but it is a fact of life that we will go through adversity. The question is not whether we will go through it but what will our attitudes be when it happens? Your attitude in adversity will determine the power of God in your life. I really used to think that if I would just pray more or read my Bible more or tell more people about Jesus that the level of God’s anointing would go up and I would be better spiritually. All those things are important to have a healthy and vibrant relationship with Jesus, but I know that what Jesus is watching for is not what I can do MORE for him but what am I doing WITH him when I deal with struggles in my life? I have said in this blog a time or two that adversity or struggles that we go through do not make who we are they show who we are. If we can understand that, I believe that we will be more careful to seek him and desire to be closer to him in the times when we feel like things are going good. Right now in my life, I don’t feel like things are good and I am in a struggle. I believe that through this time of testing that God has shown me who I really was and I didn’t like what I saw. I want the power level of God to increase in me and I know that it will only come from me having the right attitude in the middle of the adversity. That is so easy to say when you physically feel good, you don’t have crushing medical bills and life is peachy. I want people to read this blog and realize that I am not saying these things from a position of the testing being over and I want the devil to hear that as well. I will praise my Jesus through this storm.

I don't serve a brussel sprout Jesus

2006-09-08T23:23:00.000-06:00

My inspiration for this blog is from our small group tonight. We were talking about the word sacrifice and what it meant to each of us. I think that sometimes we think of Jesus as the one who makes us do the things that we know we should do but the things that we don’t necessarily want to do. Even the word sacrifice has a negative tone to it. I really believe that God wants us to move from a place of feeling obligated to have to do religious stuff for him to a place of doing things because we want to. Sacrifice is simply higher priority things living and lower priority things dying in our lives. It is looking at everything that we CAN do and deciding on the things we SHOULD do. When I say that I don’t serve a “brussel sprout” Jesus, I am saying that I serve a God that wants me to enjoy serving him and not always something I do out of obligation. I am not saying that serving God will always be fun and easy but that everything I do for God has a greater purpose than what I can see or imagine with my finite mind. Oh yeah, thanks Dustin for the visualization of serving a hot fudge sundae Jesus at CAST tonight. We all know that’s the kind of Jesus we want to serve!

Dont be wasted potential

2006-09-07T22:39:00.000-06:00

It's interesting to think that each one of the matches in that box have the potential to affect everything they touch. The thing is that they must be struck on that box, given oxygen and then placed on something. Are you letting your true potential be seen or are you going to "stay in the box"? Its your decision so dont blame anyone but yourself for your indecision. Dont be wasted potential.

Staying Motivated

2006-09-07T22:33:00.000-06:00

What does it take to motivate you? Actually, the greater question is what are you motivated to do in your life? I thought about what causes people to do the things they do on a daily basis. For some people it is looking in the mirror and seeing that they need to lose a few pounds around the middle so they start to exercise on a regular basis. For others it’s the loss of a loved one to alcohol abuse in some way so they decide to change their lives and stop drinking. The real question is not what starts the motivation it is what keeps the motivation. I have seen many people be motivated to start something good for their lives, but then quit because they “lose motivation”. I can remember when I was in high school and was all motivated to get up early every morning and go running to get in shape for basketball. I started with a blaze of glory. I had motivational pictures up in my room with sayings that were going to keep me going and cause me to get up and get in shape. Somewhere between the third and fourth week I gave up. I lost my motivation and have not gotten up early in the morning like that to run ever since. At the time, I thought that the most important thing in my life was to make the basketball team and be in shape. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to make the team and that I wanted to be out of shape that caused me to quit. It was that I didn’t think it was important enough to make the sacrifice of getting up early to exercise. So I go back to my original question; what does it take to motivate you? It has been very difficult these past couple of years to stay motivated to pray and believe for the very best for my life. I have discovered that at the foundation of motivation in my life that if I don’t have a fresh relationship with God every day of my life that I will lose motivation to want to get to know him. I challenge you to seek a relationship with God that goes beyond a single experience and into a consistent experience with him.

2006-09-06T23:24:00.000-06:00

I love the picture of a key. It is so intriguing to me to look at every groove and think that because it was cut a certain way that there is some sort of lock out there in the world that it will open. That is really like out lives and the things that we go through. Each of the life issues we deal with is another “cut” on the key of our lives. This sometimes feels like a grinding of life’s pain or a buffing of the good times of life. Shaped into something that can be used to open a locked heart of a person in need. If we can think of the crap that we go through in life as a cutting or developing of our character to cause us to be useful to a locked heart of some person that needs to hear about how God changed us then it makes the stuff we go through a little more bearable.

We Give God a Bad Wrap

2006-09-05T20:09:00.001-06:00

We give God a bad wrap. I was talking with a friend today and thought about the process of learning. It all starts when we are young and not in school yet with mom and dad telling us about life and trying to get us to realize just what is important in life and what is not. Depending on who your parents were definitely determines who you ended up being right now good or bad. When we were little we didn’t know if our parents were giving us something we would need in life when we got older or if they were just trying to educate us the best way that they knew how with something that we would never use in our everyday lives when we grew up. I always appreciated my parents and know that I am the person I am today because of my upbringing. Then I went to school. You know, the place that has requirements for passing a grade and being able to advance to the next one? On the whole, I never really liked school. I know it was an important part of my life and I am proud to have made it though college with two degrees, but I can say that it was a very hard experience for me. One thing I could always count on was the fact that if I didn’t do well enough to finish a grade in school that I could be held back or forced to retake a subject so that I could be ready to graduate to the next level. Why do we give God crap for using the same process in the spirit realm and our spiritual education? We get so bent out of shape sometimes when God has us put to the test in life and prove that we are ready for the next “grade” of life. If we were still in school, and maybe you are, and you failed to prove that you were ready for the next grade or the next class you were not allowed to move on you would not have a problem knowing that you need to retake that subject or class before the next level. In fact, if you were to go to the next level or grade you would probably not be prepared for the teachings from that class because school really is built on layers of learning and a necessity to know foundations before you move on in really any subject. I believe there is no difference spiritually with God. Don’t be angry when you feel like you are being tested in life. The more you fight the process the longer God will probably have you there until you get it. If God were to release you to go to the next “grade” spiritually before you have learned your lesson then He would only be setting you up to fail instead of helping to build a lasting foundation that will be able to be built upon. I know that this season of life I am in right now is only preparing me for something greater and that I need to not set my eyes on my circumstances but on the process of learning so that I can move on and graduate. So I guess God is trying to tell me that I need to start liking school because until I meet him in heaven I will always be in a place of learning so I should just get used to it.

Pics to make you think

2006-09-04T15:38:00.000-06:00

I made this last night. Can't lose perspective on why I live for God. Its not just so I can make it to heaven because that would be kind of selfish. Keep it in perspective.

Playing a game of "uncle"

2006-09-04T15:34:00.000-06:00

I was driving to go and pick up more pills at Walgreens last night and I had a kind of revelation about what it happening to me right now in my life. Remember that game growing up called “uncle”? I feel like I am playing that game with the devil right now. It’s like our hands are tied up and we are battling back and forth trying to see who will win. I had a realization that the only way that I am going to get him to say “uncle” is to get even closer to God the more I feel emotional or physical pain. I want people to watch me go through this and be an even greater testimony to God by having them see that even though physical things are happening to my body that I can still live for God and not get mad at him but fall more in love with him. I want the devil to see that the harder he pushes or tries to get me to say “uncle” the more people will be encouraged in their faith or want to know more about what I believe and how I can have a faith that goes past what I emotionally or physically feel. Basically, I want him to give up because by pushing me even harder, and me not giving up, it’s actually a greater testimony now than when God decides to heal me. I want him to realize that he will lose now by my testimony going through this and my testimony later of healing. Wow, what a double loser. I will not be the product of a lack of prayer. If this is where God has me right now it will not be because I didn’t spend enough time seeking God. The devil might as well say “uncle, aunt, niece and nephew” for all I care. He already lost before we started playing.

Absolute truth does exist and you just proved it

2006-09-03T17:22:00.001-06:00

The age we live in is very interesting with the belief system that people have. I don’t ever remember a time in history when people selectively believe things especially of the spiritual nature. I have also never seen the inundation of spiritual themes in movies, music and tv. It is amazing how much the spirit world is emphasized and highlighted almost every day of our lives. The Bible teaches important absolutes about the spirit realm and being very careful about how we entertain spiritual things in our lives that don’t glorify God. I used to be a youth pastor and I would have kids that would tell me that they didn’t believe in absolute truth. That the Bible was a nice book of stories and a great suggestion on how to live your life, but that there were also other things from other religions that you can incorporate into your life as well as codes to live by. The problem with that statement is the Bible is very specific about what is important to believe and there is only one absolute way to get to heaven and that is through Jesus Christ. If you don’t absolutely believe that then hell awaits. My physical situation with my eye and the crap I have been through these past couple of years has really made me evaluate what I believe and what I think about certain religious actions including a belief in absolute truth. I can say that it has brought me closer to God and a better understanding of who He is and who I am not. My opening statement was titled that way because I wanted to make a point that absolute truth exists because of the fact that you are reading my blog. If you would have gotten ANY word, letter or punctuation wrong when you typed in my blog sites address you would have been redirected to a different site and would not have been able to read this. You couldn’t just say, “at least I got 99% of the address right. I am so surprised that it didn’t come up correctly”. That is absolute truth. Either you typed it in right or you were wrong. That is the same with God. Whether or not we believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven doesn’t change the fact that it is correct. So next time you type in the web address of a website you really want to visit remember that you are reinforcing my point that absolute truth does exist.

Worry and bending spoons with your mind

2006-09-02T23:18:00.000-06:00

I got this information from the internet and I thought it was very interesting…

Every system in your body is affected by worry. In addition to raising blood pressure and increasing blood clotting, worry can prompt your liver to produce more cholesterol, all of which can raise your risk of heart attack and stroke. Muscle tension can give rise to headaches, back pain, and other body aches. Worry can also trigger an increase in stomach acid and either slow or speed up muscle contractions in your intestines, which can lead to stomach aches, constipation, diarrhea, gas or heartburn.

Have you ever thought about worry? What it is, what it does and what starts it? Until I started to deal with my eye and my physical condition I never really cared or thought about the physical problems that come from worry. I have been told multiple times from my eye doctors that stress or worry is not good for my eye and can actually make things worse for me. So, you’re telling me that I might lose my eye after all this time and I might need to go on Chemo if you can’t find a “better” drug to put me on and on top of all that don’t worry because you can make everything worse for yourself. Interesting conversation with my doctors eh? Philippians 4:6,7 says that we should not worry about anything and that we should just ask God for everything we need. Anything and everything are very absolute words. They don’t have a lot of wiggle room when you try and define them. I really believe that circumstances and situations we go through have a polarizing effect. They will either push us towards God or we will allow them to distract us and cause us to worry. I have a daily decision to either give God my crap or keep it with me and think that I can change my circumstances by worrying hard enough.
I can’t bend a spoon with my mind so why would I think that my mental worry power would do anything for my physical, emotional or spiritual condition? If you can bend spoons with your mind please call or email me and let me know your secret. In fact, if you can bend spoons with your mind then tell every person you know how you do it so that they can all worry about life’s situations and improve their lives by it. The only thing to remember is that until the day that happens, scripture’s principals of giving everything to God still stands.

I Love Jesus More Than my Eyes

2006-09-01T23:22:00.000-06:00

That is the hardest thing I have ever had to admit. What do you need to love Jesus more than? If you can’t put every person you know and every worldly possession that you own at the end of “I Love Jesus more than…” than you have something in your life that will keep you from knowing and trusting God in the deepest way. Whatever you love is what your life will revolve around. If its money you love then your life will revolve around making it and your life will be controlled by the desire for more of it. If it’s a person than you will do everything in your power to make that person happy and you can’t think about what you would do without that person in your life. If it’s yourself than you will do everything in your power to make sure that you are the center of attention and that every need is met even at the expense of others. I have told my family that I believe God has this happening to me so that we can each “figure it out”. I really serve a very selfish God that wants more than my attention. He wants my thoughts, attention, devotion, time, possessions and anything else that I could put before him. After all, the first of the Ten Commandments is “thou shalt have no other God’s before me” isn’t it? If I can’t love Jesus more than my eyes than can I say that I have put him first? If you have a loved one dealing with a physical condition right now and you have a relationship with Jesus but care more about what’s happening to them rather than trusting that their life is in Jesus’ hands then are they your God? If you are in the middle of a serious financial situation and more concerned about just “making more money” than trusting God for your every need do you have the relationship with Him that you thought you did? Your reaction in a negative situation will be the true gauge of the strength of your relationship with God. I believe that worry and a lack of trust in God in hard times is a byproduct of a lack of a relationship with Christ. I am saying this from personal experience and not from a judgmental attitude. Think about it; if I trusted God then why would I worry? I can say that I discovered a lot about the lack of relationship I had with God when I started going through everything physically in my life. I learned that it is not about the amount of time I spend with him, how much of the Bible I read or even my position in the church. It’s about letting all my guards down and asking God to change me from the inside out. I am not saying that our life and the lessons that God teaches us will be easy but I do think that in the end they will be worth it. We have to learn another level of faith in Christ that transcends the crap that we see (no pun intended) here on this earth to be able to see into the heavenly realm to something greater. The hardest thing about that statement is that God loves us enough to keep us in that place of “learning” until we get it.

holy moley...

2006-08-31T19:39:00.000-06:00

I dont think we realize that some of the things we do in life are dangerous. This guy, for example, is willing to risk severe physical injury just to fix his truck. He probably isn’t thinking right now that if that truck falls he is in for a world of hurt probably because he has never known anything different. We can look at this picture and go, "holy moley, is that guy dumb" but that guy is just working away. Isn’t life just like this picture? Our actions in life will normally follow what we have always known regardless of how it might be harmful to us. The challenge is moving beyond that mental state and into a realm of listening to the people around us that we know love us and want to see us succeed in life. I am convinced that the crap we go through in life is there to move us from a place of blind knowledge to a place of seen understanding. To go from the things that we THINK we know to a place of real understanding about ourselves and our lives. I always want to be in a place to be able to listen to my wife, for example, when she sees that my attitude about life can harm me and to snap out of it and get perspective. Please believe me that listening and changing are hard things to do when you don’t feel good.

My Pain is Worse than Yours...

2006-08-30T22:35:00.000-06:00

I have learned something very important since being sick; that my pain is worse than anything that anyone else is going through. I can prove it. Start to tell me about what you are going through or tell me about a struggle you are going through and I will compare it to me and because I cant really experience what you are experiencing I will know that mine is worse than yours. Don’t tell me that you don’t feel the same way when someone starts to talk about what they are going through and you have challenges of your own. I am being funny about this, but it really is interesting how we compare pain with others when we are going through something in our lives. This type of comparing really show us mentally where we are and if we are focusing on the pain in our lives more than being grateful that we were able to wake up and live another day. I call it “the perspective of our pain” and it is a dangerous place to be emotionally. That place is like an emotional quicksand that is impossible to escape without the power of God to get out of. It isolates us and keeps us from caring about others and the things that they go through because we are so worried about our crap. I used to think that to get people to pray for me that I needed to fill people in on all the gory details of my eye and what I was going through. To make sure that they got my “perspective of pain” and felt sorry for me so that they would “lift me up to God”. I realize now that that is a poor way to get people to pray for me and what I am going through. I was at the eye clinic a few months ago and had a new technician that was helping me and was asking questions about my condition and she said “I know how you feel”. Mentally for about three seconds I was like “uh, no you don’t. You haven’t experienced this and who are you to say that you know how I feel? I have been on prednisone for two years, have a foraging squirrel face and the possibility of a whole list of physical problems that can develop just from the medication I am on to keep my eye from rotting out of my head. Don’t tell me that you know how I feel!” My perspective of pain. While I was yelling at this lady in my head, she started to tell me about her son who had dealt with multiple physical problems and had been on prednisone for the past 16 years and was only in his late 20’s. I then shut up, stopped my mental yelling and had a paradigm shift in my perspective of pain. It doesn’t make the pain I feel hurt any less, but realizing that other people go through stuff worse than mine helps me to keep my perspective and attitude in check.